The "Unspoken Rule" of Borrowing That Most People Completely Ignore
The six unwritten laws of borrowing, without losing your mind or your friends.
If there is one thing that can make a grown person’s heart skip a beat, it’s not a missed call from their boss or a sudden debit alert. It’s hearing those five simple words: “Abeg, let me quickly use your…” Why? Because experience has taught you that lending an item in this country is often just a polite way of making a permanent, non-tax-deductible donation.
There is a massive difference between knowing how to ask for something and knowing how to return it. Unfortunately, many people know how to ask and far fewer know how to return.
To preserve our friendships, protect our properties, and our collective blood pressure, it is time to formally publish the unwritten manifesto of borrowing etiquette.
Here are the six non-negotiable laws of borrowing, and the five types of people who need to read them immediately.
The 6 Non-Negotiable Laws of Borrowing
Rule #1: The Fuel and Fluency Policy (The Generator & Car Law)
Anything with an engine comes with an unwritten covenant.
If you borrow anything that runs on an engine; a car or a generator, there is a strict physical and spiritual law: You do not return it on empty. If you borrow a friend’s car with a quarter tank, you return it with at least a half or three-quarter tank as a “thank you” tax. If a major power outage hits and you use a neighbor’s generator, you don’t pour in just enough fuel to cover your own usage and leave the tank bone dry. Returning a mechanical item on “E” is an automatic, lifetime revocation of your borrowing privileges. No one should have to refuel immediately after doing you a favour.
The Golden Standard: Return every machine more prepared for its next use than when you collected it.
Rule #2: The Cooler and Tupperware Covenant
Food sharing is the bedrock of our culture, but the containers the food arrives in are sacred family assets.
If someone gives you food in a plastic takeaway container, an ice cream bucket, or a food cooler, you must wash it thoroughly before returning it. Not “rinse.” Wash, Dry and Return.
Under no circumstances do you keep it in your own fridge to store your own stew for three weeks.
The Gold Standard: The true legends, the people destined for financial favour, return the container washed and filled with something else (even if it’s just biscuit, chin-chin or fruits). At the bare minimum, return it clean, dry, and empty within 72 hours. Because the container wasn’t just carrying food, it was carrying goodwill.
Rule #3: The Electronics Radius (The Charger & Power Bank Protocol)
Borrowing a phone charger or a power bank in an office, hostel, or lounge does not grant you roaming rights. You must stay within a two-meter radius of the owner. You do not unplug the charger, walk into another room, or put the power bank in your bag because you want to “go upstairs.” The moment you walk out of the owner’s line of sight with their cable, you are no longer borrowing, you are doing asset reallocation.
Rule #4: The Pristine Condition Clause (The Clothes and Wig Mandate)
Borrowed clothes should come back looking like they never attended the event.
If you borrow clothes, shoes, gold jewelry, or a wig for an Owambe or a major date, it must return in the exact condition it left. If you spill palm oil, Egusi soup, or liquid foundation on someone’s premium lace, you do not hand it back with a casual, “Ah, sorry o, the caterer bumped into me.” You take it straight to a high-end dry cleaner, or you buy a replacement. If you borrow a wig, you don’t return it tangled and smelling like sweat, you brush it out, apply serum, and return it smelling fresh.
A sincere apology without action is simply a well-worded excuse.
The “New-With-Tags” Sanctuary (and Intimate Item Caveat): Under no circumstances do you ask to borrow an item that still has the store price tags on it. The purchaser has the absolute right to be the first person to wear their own outfit to an event. Furthermore, high-end designer handbags, signature perfumes, and personal footwear are highly intimate, off-limit assets. If you wouldn’t ask to borrow someone’s toothbrush, leave their favorite designer bag alone! Not every possession is community property.
Rule #5: The Strict Timeline Rule (Avoid the Season Change)
Every borrowed item has a shelf life. You should never hold onto an item long enough for the economic climate or the seasons to change. If you borrow a textbook for an exam, you return it the week the exam ends not next semester. If you borrow a large umbrella during the peak of the rainy season, you return it before the dry harmattan winds start blowing. If the owner has to ask for their item back, you have already failed the timeline test.
Rule #6: The Financial Transparency Law (The Debt Communication Protocol)
Look, everything we’ve talked about so far is minor irritation. But for this sixth rule, we must step out of the kitchen and enter the sacred, dangerous chamber of cold, hard cash (gbese). This is where friendships actually go to die.
If you borrow money with a strict promise to repay it by a specific date, and an unexpected delay happens, the burden of communication is entirely on you. Do not wait for the lender to track you down like a debt collector. Call them before the deadline to explain the situation. Most importantly, if you are owing someone money, you do not flaunt a luxury lifestyle on your social media status while ignoring their messages. If you have money to flex, you have money to pay what you owe.
At its heart, borrowing isn’t really about objects. It’s about confidence. Every item someone lends you is their way of saying, “I believe you’ll give me a reason to trust you again.”
The “Do Not Lend To” List: 5 Types of Borrowers We Are All Tired Of
We all have that one person in our lives who fits perfectly into one of these categories. If you don’t know who it is, it might be you.
1. The Accidental Co-Owner
This person borrows an item and keeps it so long that it integrates into their household. By month three, their brain genuinely registers it as their own property. If you finally ask for it back, they look at you with deep offense, as if you are the one trying to rob them.
2. The “I-Forgot” Specialist
They never, ever return anything on their own accord. You have to text them, call them, and physically corner them at a mutual friend’s house. Every single time, they react with a sudden burst of shocking realization: “Ah!, my head! I completely forgot, it’s still in my car booth. I will bring it tomorrow morning, I swear!” (Spoiler: You will not see them tomorrow morning).
3. The Upgrader in Reverse (The Destroyer)
They borrow a pristine, smoothly running item (say, a pressing iron or a power tool) and return it scratched, missing a cord, or making a terrifying rattling sound. When you point it out, they immediately deploy gaslighting tactics: “Ah, it was already doing like that when I took it o,” or “That’s how it was working before.”
4. The Serial Re-Lender
This is a supreme offense. They ask to borrow your ring light, camera gear, or car jack, and instead of using it and returning it, they turn around and lend it to their cousin, colleague, or neighbour; someone you don’t even know. You find out when you ask for your item and they say, “Oh, please give me two days, Tunde took it to his office.” Excuse me, who is Tunde?!
How to handle them: The moment you hand over your property, set an iron-clad boundary with a quick, humorous script: “My guy, this is a single-player game, o! No multiplayer transfers, please”.
5. The Financial Ghost (The Lifestyle Debtor)
They borrow money with an iron-clad promise to pay it back “when alert drops on Friday”. Friday comes and goes, and they completely vanish from your chat. However, they are highly active on their Instagram stories or WhatsApp status, posting videos at high-end lounges, popping bottles, or living their best life. They are rich online but mysteriously broke in your DMs.
How to Get Your Stuff Back Without Looking Like the Bad Guy
In our society, asking for your own property back can weirdly make you look like the “enemy of progress”. If you are dealing with a rogue borrower, here are three polite but unarguable strategies to get your assets back:
- The Higher Authority Shield: Bring a third party into it who cannot be questioned. “Abeg, my mummy just called me, she said she needs that cooler/wrapper tomorrow morning for a family meeting.” Nobody argues with a Nigerian mother’s instructions.
- The In-Transit Ambush: Don’t ask them to bring it. Force a physical handover by making it convenient for them. “I am actually passing by your street in 15 minutes to see someone, please just help me bring the iron to the gate so I can grab it.” It leaves them zero room for the “I forgot” excuse.
- The Installment Soft-Launch: If you are dealing with a Financial Ghost who owes you money and is dodging your WhatsApp, stop asking for the whole sum. Instead, break down their defensive walls by asking for a ridiculously small chunk: “My guy, I know things are tight, just send me ₦5,000 out of it so I can buy fuel”. Offering partial payments gets the ball rolling, and ignoring a tiny request makes ghosting you look incredibly silly.
Lending is built on trust, but trust only works when everyone plays by the same unspoken rules. Be a good friend, be a responsible borrower, and for the love of everything sacred, return people’s food containers!
